welcoming the new year

Everybody sees the new year as a fresh start. Personally my year started the day I got sober. Over 3 months ago. I'm proud as fuck. It started that day because it's a day I was reborn. You see, I burn to ashes to be reborn like the majestic phoenix. I rise from my breakdowns - over and over again. It's my essence: transformation. And it is for a lot of people even though some don't realise how much they change and follow a cycle. Everything can be brought back to cycles. Perfect Circles. Cue Mac Miller.

I mean isn't this life? going through changes and constantly adapting to things and people. Maybe it's more stable for some people and a lot don't completely fall to the ground before rising. But I do; usually I do something stupid and dangerous. On December 1st I took a bunch of pills. 60 maybe. I was rushed to the hospital and I don't remember anything from the closest ER until the next morning in another hospital. I almost passed away. And I don't think I've grasped the reality of my action. So I literally burnt to ashes before rising again.

I am now in the rising phase of my cycle. Then there will be stability, a manic episode, going down again and deeply depressed before burning again. I hope this time it doesn't get too dramatic. I mean dangerous... or stupid.

Anyways, I'm fine now. In a mental hospital...but besides that I'm good. But I'm not too high yet. I'm going to be stable for a few weeks and will be able to breathe a bit. It'll be like a fresh bowl of air.

I hope your new year started well. My new year was very chill at the hospital...like last year.

But next year I'll be home for the whole holidays. I am sure of that.

Thank you for reading, bye <3